Being a big girl

Thursday was Emma's first day at her sitter, Stephanie's. I cried the 20 minutes before we left. It was uncontrollable and a steady stream. Not like hiccupy crying, but just tears falling.  Pretty crazy for only leaving her for 4 hours. Good thing we started a little early because the last thing I want to do is go to school with puffy, red rimmed crying eyes. We dropped Emma off and walked back home. I really started to cry then. I cried on Jonathan's shoulder, I cried while washing my face. Then, I started to chastise myself. I hate criers. And I hate when I do it.

She was totally fine and happy when she got home. Didn't seem to miss us. Didn't really seem to be affected. Guess mama needs to lock it up.

Jonathan and I had a nice outing, shopping for cars we can't afford, drinking a beer with lunch, and shoe shopping. She goes back on Tuesday and I know I'll cry less this time.

My cousin text me that day. She exuded love and understanding. She never lied and told me it would be easy. It was nice to know that she was thinking of me because truth be told, I felt very alone that day. It's difficult to put it into words, and I know that only a mother could really understand. She told me she still cries sometimes... that oddly made me feel better.

I take great comfort in knowing Emma is well cared for during the day. I know I'll cry and sometimes wish to be at home, but it is what it is.