I have to be honest. It's been very hard going back to work. I am so grumpy and longing for 3. I have left school with the kids on more than a few occasions (don't worry, I've fulfilled my contracted time). It's been great having my sisters watch Emma because I don't worry about her during the day, I just long to be with her. I never thought I would be that person. I love my job and love striving to be really good at my job. I was not made to stay at home, but I want to be at home. I think if I could work part time, I would. Best of both worlds. Truth be told, I will miss my students. But, I won't miss that feeling when I get in the car and leave for the day. Emma has changed so much in the last 2 weeks and I am sad that I've missed it.
She's grown so much. She's been getting on a sleeping and eating schedule. She smiles and coos, like she desperately wants to join in on the conversation, but can't. I love kissing her chubby cheeks. She loves baths now, and looks like she just needs a glass of milk and a magazine to be content in that tub.
I feel like I've been able to enjoy being a mom because I let go of all the rules. I feed Emma when she's hungry, let her sleep when she wants, and (try) not to freak out when the unexpected happens. This summer, we will work on a schedule even though she's already kind of fallen into one. I think that if I had tried to control every aspect and followed every book, I would not have been successful or enjoyed the process. I also don't care what people say about my parenting style. She's MY daughter and I know what's best for her... and if I don't, then I get to screw her up. Just like I don't say anything now about others parenting style. I respect that those are THEIR children, not mine. It took having my own kid for that to become a reality.
This summer is going to be great and in 4 days, the Mama-Emma summer starts!
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